The Alcoholic Adventures of Team Satisfaction
by CherryChunks
Summary: An incident involving mysterious pink bottles has lead to unforeseen events that give an entirely new meaning to the word 'Satisfaction'... Contains all kinds of Satisfactionpairings, an incredible amount of alcohol and an overdosis of both awkward and horny situations. Bordering on M-rating, ye with innocent minds be warned.
1. Pink Bottles

Crow was tired. He was used to handling speed deliveries; in fact, he believed they were his forte. What wasn't his forte, however, was having to speed-deliver something on his _legs. _He made a mental note to himself that if anyone ever requested a speed delivery again, he would check if that person lived in a D-Wheel-friendly area first.  
>But at least he could now have some peace. Yusei was off repairing something, Jack had gone off 'to meet an old friend', Aki was having a ladies' night with Carly and Stephanie, and the twins were at a birthday party. It was time for some Crow-time, he happily thought, trying to decide what pizza he was going to order.<p>

His happiness would not last long, however. There were unmistakably burning lights inside the garage when he arrived home.  
><em>Well, so much for Crow-time. <em>He sighed. Oh well. He couldn't blame people for being home. It was just odd; he had been really sure that no one would be coming home this early. He was kind of curious who it was.

As he opened the door and parked his Black Bird inside, he directly noticed some things were off.

One, the place was even messier than usual.  
>Two, there were more bottles of alcohol than usual, and they were of a different brand than what they normally drank. As far as he knew, there weren't many brands with bright pink, almost phallic-shaped bottles.<br>Three, Jack's shirt was lying on the couch next to one that Crow vaguely remembered from somewhere.  
>And four, there was a really, really weird smell coming from Jack's room.<p>

"I so don't wanna know" Crow muttered to himself as he took off his helmet.

"Honey, I'm hooooooome!" He shouted, looking for a pink bottle that hadn't been opened yet. He heard some noise upstairs, and the sound of a chair falling over.

"Crow? Is that you?" Jack's voice came through the door.

"Of course it's me! Who else were you expecting?" Crow answered, a little annoyed. He still had to find that one full bottle, and that was proving to be much harder than he thought. "Dude, how much have you been drinking? From this amount you should already be in a coma!" he added, as he heard a door open en footsteps on the stairs. "You should at least have left something for me! And how much did this cost? And where the hell is that smell coming from? And what the hell is that smell? Are those drugs? Zora's gonna kill-"

"Crow?"

"I thought that we had just made that clear- wait, Kiryu, is that you?" Crow hadn't heard that voice for a long time. He finally looked up. Kiryu and Jack looked down, each a bottle in their hand.

"Why aren't you guys wearing shirts?"

**X*X Aporia: This is a page breaker of despair X*X**

Yusei was on his way home. He had decided to take an extra long route, because there were few nights so clear and peaceful. The city looked beautiful with all its colours, and for a change, you could see the stars above as well, and it was full moon. A perfect night for crossing some speed limits.

**X*X*X*X*X**

"… And that's how Kiryu and I ended up with all these bottles of free… alcohol" Jack finished, taking another big gulp from his bottle.

"I can't believe it." Crow looked around him. "So many bottles! And You guys drank all of it?

"Well, it sure is one hell of a liquid." The way Kiryu said it, and the look he and Jack exchanged, made Crow a little uneasy. It sounded a bit too much like Kiryu's original evil-plotting-voice. But it had made him curious.

"Well, can I have some?"

"We hid the rest."

"You HID the rest?" Crow jumped up. He had wanted to grab Jacks collar, but since he wasn't wearing a shirt, he just waved his fist in front of him. "Why?"

"Because it's so damn good" the giant answered. "Plus, you're not very good with alcohol, and neither is Yusei. Always been like that. Remember that night after we had conquered all of Satellite, when-"

"We swore we would never talk about that again" Crow quickly interrupted. He tried to suppress the memory with thinking about his friends' strange behaviour. Obviously, there was still something they didn't say out loud. He sighed. He was tired, he was sweaty, and he wasn't in the mood for a squabble with Jack now.

"Tch. Great. I work my ass off all day, and when I finally get home, some people THAT DO NOT PAY THE BILLS got some good stuff they don't even want to share with the people THAT ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MONEY THEY SPEND! I'm going to take a shower."

And with that, he stood up and marched upstairs, not noticing the second look that his friends exchanged. Neither did he see the demonic grin that spread over their faces.

**X*X*X**

Yusei could see their 'house' in the distance. He saw that the lights were already burning. Not only in the living room, but also in Jacks room. That meant that not only Crow was home, but Jack as well. And since Jack had gone off this afternoon to pick up Kiryu, it meant that their old comrade was there as well. Yusei sighed. As soon as he would get home, Jack and Crow would probably be fighting over the remote or something else incredibly stupid, and he would have to calm them down. Kiryu still hadn't lost his old habit of occasional provoking, so he would be the opposite of some help.

It would be such a waste of a beautiful night like this. With that in his mind, he took a wide turn and drove back to the highway. One extra lap wouldn't make a life-changing difference, would it?

**X*X*X*X*X**

"I LIKE THE WAY YOU MOOOOOVE" sang/screamed Crow at the top of his lungs. His friends had already gotten used to the fact that Crow liked to sing under the shower, and that nobody except strange company could keep him from doing so. Because he sang so hard, he didn't hear the door open and two pairs of feet sneaking in. And when he did hear a giggle and immediately turned off the shower, he was just in time to at least grab his pants back before Jack and Kiryu made their escape, cackling maniacally. Swearing and cursing, Crow quickly jumped into his pants and chased after them.

"GIVE ME BACK MY CLOTHES!"

"That's what she said!" it sounded from upstairs, followed by loud, slightly drunk laughter. Crow cursed again and ran up the stairs, straight to Jacks room.

"How old are you guys, really!" he shouted angrily as he dashed into the room. The room that was empty.

"That sounds odd, coming from the youngest in the group" someone suddenly whispered in his hear. Crow quickly turned around, seeing Kiryu close the door- and Jacks face a few inches from his.

"Shit, Jack!" He stumbled backwards in surprise, tripped over another bottle, and fell on the bed. Kiryu held his stomach, howling with laughter, and Jack laughed along. Crow hadn't seen both of them laugh so much within such a short time-span, except that night that they had conquered Satellite and-

This wasn't the time for that.

Jack and Kiryu kept laughing. Crow was now completely sure that they were completely wasted. This was going to be a long night.

"Enough. Give me back my clothes." His demand was met with two misschievous grins.  
>Crow got more and more uneasy. He knew something wasn't right, and he wanted out of this room that smelled so sickly sweet. Not to mention, none of them were wearing shirts. And Zora had threatened to come in unexpectedly to check if they were being good boys. And who would be the one held responsible if she would find his two friends like this? Crow shivered, from the thought and the cold air that passed his naked skin. Jack and Kiryu finally stopped laughing.<p>

"Crow, are you cold?" the first asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

"In fact, yes. I'm half naked, wet, and sitting in front of a window. WHAT DO YOU THINK?" Suddenly, Crow spotted his shirt and underwear lying on a toppled chair. This was his chance. Within one movement, he jumped off the bed, dived, grabbed his clothes while dodging Jack, and made a sprint towards the door. Out of here.

Then, a warm hand grabbed his arm. Pulled him back. Wrapped itself around him along with the other hand.

"Where are you going, little Blackbird?" Crow nearly screamed when Kiryu cooed this in his ear. He tried to free himself, but Kiryu was simply stronger, as he always had been. Jack meanwhile moved between him and the way to safety. And with moving between, he actually moved very, very close to Crow. Too close for comfort. Crow moved his head as far away from him as he could, but then there was Kiryu's chest behind him.

"Those won't be necessary." Painfully slowly took Jack the clothes out of his hands.

That made Crow snap back into reality.

"What the hell is this? Kiryu, let go of me! Jack, gimme back my clothes! Let go!"

"Now, now then" Kiryu whispered from behind. Crow now noticed that his breath smelled sickly sweet as well. He shivered.

"He's still cold, Jack." Jack nodded. Then he displayed a diabolical grin that sent a second shiver up Crows spine.

"Maybe you should warm him up a little?" Crow heard Kiryu chuckle from behind.

"I'd love to, but I've got my hands full" he said. Jack looked amused at Crow's desperate struggles for freedom.

"This is not funny! Let go of me! Stop! HEY! KIRYU! JACK! KNOCK IT OFF GODDAMNIT-"

"Not to mention, is this goes on, he'll wake up the entire neighbourhood" Kiryu dryly stated.

**XXX~XXXX**

"_Going fast makes me feel alive, my heart beats in hyperdrive_…" Yusei could barely keep himself from singing along as he made his third extra lap with music blasting directly from the headphones he had integrated in his helmet. Aki wouldn't agree with listening to music on motorcycles, but it was the very last thing that made this evening complete.

_If only I could come home and find peace and quiet..._

But he really needed to go home now- It was far too late already, and tomorrow would be busy as hell again. With a sigh he steered his D-Wheel off the highway.

_Goodbye, oh peaceful night. Hello chaos._

**X*X*X*X*X**

"STOP IT! LEMME GO!"

"Yup, hello chaos" Yusei muttered to himself as Crows screams reached him even through the door. Good thing Zora had gone to some family reunion on the other side of the Daedalus Bridge for a week, because she would never EVER have agreed with inviting Kiryu, after that one time where she found out he had taken Jack to a stripclub. When the two showed up at 4 AM, singing an off-key serenade about how they wanted to take him and Crow to a gay bar, under her balcony and vomiting afterwards on her pavement… It had been ugly. Though the part where she dragged Kiryu by his hair and literally kicked him out had remained a cherished joke between them.

In short, it was a good thing Kiryu was here after such a long time, and it was a good thing Zora WASN'T here (though he was the only one who knew she was away- Zora had asked him to keep quiet about her absence, 'to keep those two hot-heads a little tame'). It was just not a good thing that apparently Kiryu and Jack had teamed up and Crow was apparently trying to stop them from- whatever the hell they were doing. But Yusei was sure it wouldn't be such a big thing; As long as there was no alcohol involved, it would probably be just a little teasing, like in the old days.

"Ok, what's going on this time, guys?"

Silence. That was unusual. Normally, around now, there would be a huge 'HE DID IT' echoing through the building, but now it remained quiet.

"… Guys?"

"It's ok, Yusei!" Kiryu voice came from upstairs, sounding a little bit hasty.

"What was that noise all about? I could hear Crow from miles away!"

"Oh, nothing, we were just teasing!"

"Sure. Well, don't make such a fuss. The entire neighbourhood will wake up otherwise."

"Sure Yusei. If there's anything you need, we got some really nice booze. You can find it under the couch. Move the carpet away first though."

Yusei grumbled. Great. Alcohol. Kiryu and Jack would probably be drunk by the end of the evening. Though it was nice if they all had shared a drink. He let himself fall onto the couch with a few pancakes (Crow made them, so they were delicious even when cold) and turned on the tv. The programs were boring, but at least he had an excuse to let his mind drift off elsewhere, like how he was going to fix the previous tv that Jack had destroyed when he tried to dance on it. Yusei couldn't help but grin at the memory; it was always fun when you challenged The King to Truth or Dare. When he was drunk.

Speaking of drunk, he was a little thirsty now. Remembering the offer from Kiryu, he reached under the sofa and searched around for a bottle of that 'really nice booze'. It took him a while, he wondered why they had put such effort in hiding the stuff. He examined the bottle, that wasn't very special besides its… unusual form. The liquid itself was a bright pink. Yusei couldn't help but notice that the bottle reminded him of something… Freudian. He looked at the label and nearly choked on his pancake; this little flask containing a lot more alcohol than what Jack and Kiryu normally consumed.  
>There also seemed to be some sort of warning at the end, but someone had crossed the text with a huge marker. "<em>...tain. .owe..ul aph...!<em>" he read out loud. Well, it probably wasn't important, and he was absolutely not in the mood for word puzzles. He was in the mood for a drink. Which he took. Which tasted SWEET, as in capital, grotesque, flaming pink letters SWEET. Maybe the warning was about diabetes. Sweet as the drink may be, it wasn't that bad, spreading a subtle, warm and fuzzy feeling through his body. He suddenly felt a bit more active.

He wasn't the only one. From upstairs, he could hear a muffled scream, as if someone was calling for help while being smothered. It sounded like a Crow in need. There were sounds of chairs falling, of rushed footsteps towards the door that suddenly halted, and another muffled scream. This time, Yusei could hear his own name being called out.

He sighed. Crow should have been able to hold is own against those two by now, he couldn't always ask for help because he was the youngest. Yet, since Crow called out for him personally, he feared that Kiryu and Jack had gone too far. Now that he looked around, he saw that those curious pink bottles were scattered everywhere. Empty. He tried to imagine how drunk the two must have been by now.

That made him decide to check if they weren't going too far with whatever the hell they were teasing Crow with. He got up reluctantly and went towards the stairs. He decided to approach them silently, wanting to know what they were up to by now, to catch them in the act.  
>The sounds became more distinguishable; he could hear Kiryu laugh, and angry, protesting sounds that seemed to be coming from Crow. Those sounds made his decision definite. He had known the redhead long enough to be able to tell if he was just playing angry, being annoyed or was really mad. And this time, it was the last case.<br>Kiryu and Jack were obviously too drunk to tell that whatever they were doing was really upsetting their victim. Yusei now stood in front of Jack's room. He took a breath, put on his most serious and mature look, and without warning opened the door.

He froze.

_What._

_The._

_FUCK._

He had not, repeat NOT expected even the least of the scenery that was unfolding itself before him.

First, they were all half-naked.

Second, Crow was trapped between his two older friends- Kiryu held him from behind, his arms locked around his chest and effectively making any arm movement for the victim impossible. Jack stood barely an inch away from the furious victim, holding his head still between his strong hands, making any movement from the head also impossible.

Third, Jack was passionately kissing Crow.

_Sweet Ctulhu's underpants._

Crow noticed him first, his blazing eyes meeting his with a mixture of relief and shame. Then Kiryu, who, without letting his jailbird go, notified Jack with a short, awkward ahem. Jack opened his eyes, met Yusei's, and ever so slowly withdrew his lips from Crow's, letting a trail of saliva form itself between the lips before gravity captured it. He didn't seem awkward at all, the look he had on his face was more bold and provocative than ashamed or guilty.

There was a short, extremely uncomfortable silence.

Then Crow suddenly started to trash about uncontrollably,something that he from the looks of it had been doing a lot already. Kiryu and Jack were still distracted by Yusei's visit, and their loosened grip could no longer hold a wild Crow in place. Without looking at Yusei, the youngest dashed past him, ran down the stairs, grabbed his coat and within a minute Yusei could hear the sounds of Blackbirds engine grow fainter.

Kiryu and Jack just stared blankly at Yusei. Yusei blankly stared back.

Kiryu eventually broke the silence. He tossed a pink bottle at Yusei.

"You're going to need this if you want us to explain what happened."

Yusei opened the bottle on auto-pilot and took a few big gulps of the sweet liquid. He was still trying to process what he just had witnessed.

**X*X*X*X**

"Crow, it's midnight. Why are you here?" Martha asked, one eyebrow raised.

He had no idea what to tell her. "Can… Can I sleep here?" he asked sheepishly, knowing how idiotic he sounded. Martha thought so too. "Crow. You are far too old to come running to me if you can't sleep at home. Especially when it is in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT."

"I know, but I really, REALLY can't stay home at the moment" Crow pleaded, trying to suppress his memories of what had just happened there. Martha gave him an examining look. "Did you have a fight with the other guys?"

"You… could… put it that way, yes."

"Crow, you can't run away from your fights. You have to confront them, talk about your problems, and-"

"Please, Martha, this is a 'fight' that can't be talked about at the moment. I- just let me sleep here, I'll go back tomorrow." _And kick their asses._

She still didn't seem convinced. "Tell me more about the fight first. What did you guys fight about?"

"Ehm…" Crow panicked. It wasn't his fault what had happened, right? So why did he feel ashamed? Why didn't he want to tell the person who was like a mother to him? "Well, Jack and Kiryu got drunk. Like, really drunk." Martha didn't give any reaction. She already knew about Jack's love for alcohol. "And they were really… annoying." _Annoying. Sexual assault is annoying. _Martha nodded expectantly. "Well, I know about Jack's behaviour when he is drunk, and I heard about what happened when he and that Kiryu got drunk together…" She stepped aside. "Come in. But only this time."

"Thanks" Crow said relieved, and he went into the cosy little place that had once been his home. He remembered how they always played here, the inseparable trio of Jack, Crow and-

His eyes widened. He felt the urge to smash his stupid head into the wall.

"Something wrong, Crow?" Martha said concerned. Crows mind was already in hyperdrive trying to process what he had done. "Yes, ehm, fine, I just…" He turned around and ran back to his Blackbird. He heard Martha call his name, surprised. "Where are you going?" she shouted. "I'm… I have… I'm going back!" Crow called out while starting his engine. "Why?" Martha shouted even louder, trying to beat the noise that his D-Wheel was making.

"I… I left something important at home!" the D-wheeler screamed before he raced back to the highway. _I left Yusei alone with two drunk, horny guys who are twice as strong as him._

* * *

><p><em><strong>-~*~*~CONTEST!~*~*~-<strong>_

_**The first person to guess what the label on the pink bottle says("...tain. .owe..ul aph...") gets to request his/her (I think her XD) favourite pairing to be put in the spotlight in chapter 3. If none of you guess it... Well, I can always drop a hint:  
>The warning has something to do with Jack and Kiryu's... unusual sexual behaviour. Go figure.<strong>_

**I have no idea whether Jack and Kiryu are really twice as strong as Yusei, but this is a yaoi fic. Did anatomical details EVER matter in a yaoi fic? On that matter, I have no idea about the alcohol tolerance of those guys. But I figured that Jack with his massive ego must have build up some due to always accepting drinking games, Kiryu must drink alot because he's always so depressed and nuts, and Crow... Well, he's small. And he has cared for little children a lot. I don't think you can support a whole orphanage while drunk, so I think he doesn't drink a lot = not much tolerance.**

**As for Yusei... COME ON. HE ORDERED A GLASS OF MILK IN A BAR. HE MUST HAVE THE WORST ALCOHOL TOLERANCE EVER. Also, he doesn't seem the type to drink 'n D-wheel. Doesn't fit a YGO protagonist.**


	2. There Is Something In Your Mouth

**Hello lovely few awesome peoples that have been waiting for (or have given up on) this story!  
>My most humblest apologies for being this ridiculously slow. I had a whole chapter ready a long, long time ago in a galaxy far far Hawaii, but I got a virus. And I lost it along with some other fics and I got really pissed off so I stopped writing for a long time. Also I got a new laptop. Also I haven't writtenseen anything yaoi-ish in a long time, so it's kinda weird for me to suddenly dish out hawt sexeh bishies doin dem sexeh timez 'n shit. This might suck. Hehe, suck.  
>Again, apologies.<strong>

**ALSO: Kudos to _Darquesse_ who guessed what was on the bottle first. She requested Kiryu/Yusei, so expect some silverwhite-emo-strands-on-black-and-yellow-kingcrab-haircut-action somewhere! **

**Cherry over and out. Peace and lemons. **

* * *

><p>Yusei hadn't felt this great in a loooong time. He was completely relaxed, but felt very active at he same time; his head was full of happy thoughts, yet it felt clear.<br>Even though the world around him was kind of spinning as he stood up to grab another bottle of that amazing stuff Jack an Kiryu had brought in. He had lost count of how many he had emptied, and how many times he had fallen or tripped over something. It was quite hilarious, really; the first time he had felt a little bit stupid, but now he just felt great. Wasn't the world just awesome? Wasn't this booze awesome? Weren't Jack and Kiryu-  
>"Whoa there, Crabhead, watch it!" Kiryu was just in time to catch him before he fell to the ground again. He held him firmly, tightly against his bare chest (those abs!), and Yusei was glad that his friend was this concerned about his health. Despite him laughing his ass off the 7 previous times that he had fallen flat on his face.<p>

Unfortunately, Kiryu suddenly seemed to lose his balance too, since he suddenly didn't stand anymore but fell forwards, dragging Yusei with him. They ended up sprawled across the sofa with Kiryu on top of Yusei, his face so close to his that he could smell the sweetness on his breath.  
>"Duude, wash out" Yusei said (was that a slur he heard?), trying to sound serious. The seriousness lasted for one glorious second and was directly murdered by another laughing fit. The laughter increased when all of sudden Jack landed on top of Kiryu, and the sofa was transformed into an improvised wrestling ring for ten hilarity-filled minutes of struggle to get on top.<p>

Of course, the only logical outcome of this match was that they ended upon the floor, with Yusei being held down by Jack as Kiryu tickle-tortured him enthusiastically.  
>It was great, Yusei felt great because he such great friends that had such great skill in tickling and wrestling and who had such a great sense of humor and such great sex appeal and all-round great personalities.<br>In fact, their personalities were so great, that they didn't even get angry when Yusei, in a vain attempt to free himself from Jacks grasp, accidentally flipped the coffee table upside down. They weren't mad when all the bottles that had been standing on the table fell over and spilled all their delicious content over Yusei.  
>On the contrary, they even offered to help Yusei get all the stuff off him!<p>

Yes, he had great friends, Yusei thought as Jack and Kiryu hungrily licked the alcohol off his chest. Great, helpful friends.

***0*0*0*0***

Crow muttered several not-to-be-repeated-words as the duel signs flashed at him. Really? Now? Two people really needed to duel each other on this specific highway, and at this specific hour- In the middle of the night?  
>Don't get it wrong- he loved the whole system of automatically kicking all traffic participants off the highway so that two people could play card games on motorcycles in peace. He absolutely loved it. Just not right now, when he really, really needed to get home fast, and that this highway was the only one that could take him directly to their house.<br>But two people really, really needed to duel on this specific highway at this specific hour, and Crow was left no other choice than to take a detour.  
>He suppressed the urge to aggressively punch his monitor.<p>

Which was a good thing, because the monitor rewarded this act of mercy by giving him a great idea. Maybe he couldn't get home in time, but someone else could! He quickly opened his list of contacts up on the monitor he had nearly punched. He scrolled past the names, turning down pretty much every single name that came up. He had to be very careful with picking the right person- this was a very private, very delicate matter. Thus, anyone that wasn't trusted by the whole group was directly scrapped off the list. It left only a few names.

Martha wouldn't be on time, she lived to far away.  
>Ushio and that blue-haired chick? Nah, Security had to be kept out of this. Besides, Ushio would probably use it as blackmail material, and the chick would have her heart broken if she saw 'Atlas-sama' hitting on- <em><strong>ABORT CURRENT TRAIN OF THOUGHT I REPEAT<strong>_** ABORT-**

Crow hastily scrolled further.

Zora? No. They'd definitely be kicked out of the garage. Even Yusei batting his adorable eyelashes wouldn't get them out of that situation.  
>The Carly-chick with the glasses? Absolutely not, a journalist was the last thing they needed. Plus, she would have her heart broken too, if-<p>

Crow once again sped up the scrolling.

The twins- '_**NO, SWEET CTULHU NO**' _his mind screamed once more as he thought of the immense trauma the two would sustain.  
>He couldn't suppress a small cry along the lines of 'EUREKA!' when Aki's name came up. Of course! She lived rather close, was a close friend, and she stood her ground- If Jack and Kiryu would cause any trouble, she'd just let Black Rose Dragon slam some sense into them.<br>He quickly dialled her number, and anxiously awaited her answer.

The beeping seemed to take forever, and Crow was practically screaming at her profile picture to pick up. An amused automobilist that he had just passed wondered if that nice young man would make it up to his girlfriend in time.

"_Hey, it's Aki-"  
><em>"Aki, listen to me" Crow interrupted hastily."You need to get to our place, STAT. I think Yusei's in trouble, and I might not be in time. Please, hurry!"  
><em>"-and leave a message after the tone, so I can get back to you. Bye!"<br>_*_beep*  
><em>Crow remained silent for a few seconds, trying to contain his frustration. This could not be happening. What had he done to the universe?  
>"Aki" he said at last, his voice strained, "if you hear this, you need to do the following: check how much time has passed since I called you. If less than" he checked how long it would take him to get home, "45 minutes has passed, you need to get the hell to our place. If more than 45 minutes has passes, for the love of God, DON'T COME."<br>He hung up.  
><em>Well, fuck me then. Oh God no wrong choice of wooooords-<br>_And with his brains burning at the mental images that (re)appeared, he accelerated again.

**X*X*X*X*X*X**

Meanwhile, Aki was having a 'ladies' night' with Carly and Stephanie. They were watching the most amazing movie ever, and thus Aki was greatly annoyed when her phone went off. She ignored it, because things on screen were starting to spice up, and the three had gone to great lengths to get their hands on this particular film.  
>The voicemail interrupted nonetheless.<p>

"Aki, if you hear this" Crows voice shouted to no one in particular, "you need to do the following: check how much time has passed since I called you. If less than 45 minutes have passed, you need to get the hell to our place. If more than 45 minutes have passed, for the love of God, DON'T COME."  
>His desperate plea was met with a fit of giggles and no action whatsoever.<p>

**X*X*X*X*X*X**

There was another fit of giggles going on in a garage not terribly far away from Aki's place. Well, Yusei was having a giggle fit anyway, the other two were too busy licking him.  
>They were licking him. Yusei found this so funny that he seriously couldn't stop giggling. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that he shouldn't giggle. He was Yusei Fudo. He was Satellite's Shooting Star, the hope of the slumdogs, the savior of the world, the chosen Signer. He was Mr. Serious Motherfucking Business, he was the straight man of the group, the mature leader, the one that remained calm when others panicked, the one that remained focused when other were obsessing over ramen and petty squabbles. He was the silent, smart hero; and silent, smart heroes do not giggle.<br>Then again, silent, smart heroes do not generally get licked.

It tickled at first, but as the licks grew longer, Yusei experienced something completely different from 'ticklish'. He was getting hot- it was the only way his scrambled brain could describe the sensation. Whenever Kiryu or Jack licked a spot, often tracing their tongues around his muscles, it felt like a fire started to burn underneath his skin. It was like they left a trace of smoldering fire instead of saliva. The warmth, both confusing and thrilling, disappeared almost directly however. It had a drug-like effect on him, he kept wanting more and more of this. It felt great. It felt absolutely great. It might even, Yusei concluded with a giggle, the best feeling in the world.

And then they started to lick his nipples and holy shit Yusei didn't even know anymore and what the hell this was amazing. Giggle. Best feeling in the world.

***X*X*X*X***

Racing towards your house knowing that God-knows-what might happen to your friend because you were being stupid is not, however, the best feeling in the world. In fact, it's not even a remotely good feeling at all.  
>Crow decided that this feeling belonged on the list of bad feelings, right between 'I think I left the engine running when I parked my D-wheel between two barrels containing motor oil yesterday' and 'I think it wasn't a great idea to transport Yusei belly-down on the back of my D-Wheel with a piece of bloody junk sticking out of his gut'. That kind of bad feeling was he having.<br>_Just hang in there for 10 more minutes, Yusei. _

***X*X*X*X*X*X***

"Whoops." Kiryu somehow managed to find a new bottle, open it up, and empty the entire flask on Yusei, apparently all by accident. He didn't sound particularly upset by his clumsiness, though. His 'whoops' sounded less of Rua scattering crucial notes about engines all around the living room, and more like Crow 'accidentally' hitting Jack upside the head with a ladle.  
>Speaking of Crow, where was he? Yusei could vaguely remember that he had run outside and drove off or something, but his memory was kind of foggy.<br>"Vweh ish Kuwoh?" He asked, wondering why his voice sounded so strange. He immediately regretted the question when Jack and Kiryu stopped licking to exchange a look.  
>"Oh, he went out. A delivery, I think."<br>"Woh" Yusei answered understandingly. He shifted and tretched out for a bit. The licking was great, but the position he had ended up lying in wasn't. Somehow he was lying on the ground, with one leg still up on the sofa, the other one weirdly jammed between a couple of limbs of Jack and Kiryu- his vision was a bit blurry, so it was hard to see what was what. In a curious way of events, his right hand had gotten stuck in Kiryu's hair. Huh. Weird.  
>Jack meanwhile didn't let the shifting stop him and started to play around with his tongue around Yusei's nipple again, causing the licked party to softly cry out in surprise and pleasure.<br>Yusei could hear Kiryu laugh, and turned his attention towards him. He laughed back. And not his I-Am-The-Master-Of-Stoic-And-Reserved-Smiles-smile, but a smile that only occured whenever he had drunk too much milk- or in this case, real alcohol. And for good measure, he decided to childishly stick out his tongue as well.

Kiryu's expression changed. Suddenly, he looked at Yusei in a weird way- as if he was shocked by something, and really concerned, but with a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth and his eyes sparkling misschievously.  
>"Yusei!" he exclaimed, as if he saw something alarming, "don't move!"<br>Yusei froze. Jack didn't care.  
>"Whazzizit?"<br>Kiryu came closer, still wearing that strange version of a worried expression. "There is something in your mouth!"  
>"My teezz?" Yusei could swear Kiryu rolled his eyes for a second.<br>"Oh for heaven's sake, Yusei, no, not your teeth. Hold still, I'll get it out."  
>And with that, Kiryu pressed his lips against Yusei's. Yusei's second cry of surprise (and pleasure? Who knows?) was smothered and drowned out by a moan from Kiryu. Yusei got worried that maybe there was something wrong, but when he wanted to pull back to ask, Kiryu gripped his head, buried his fingers in his hair and did not let go.<br>Also, he forced Yusei mouth open with his tongue -forced is a big word though, Yusei wasn't sure what to do and just went along with it- and licked his tongue. With his tongue. It was all very confusing for Yusei, but Kiryu was probably trying to find whatever was in his mouth and he felt like should be grateful for that.  
>Kiryu kept moaning though, his tongue going all around in his mouth, around Yusei's tongue, almost as if he were playing with it. Yusei couldn't help but giggle at that thought.<br>Kiryu quickly pulled back at the giggle, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Yusei, are you laughing at me?"  
>What a weird thing to think.<br>"Of coowze I'mot laughing atchuuw! Izzis juz thaz... thiz..." Yusei stuck out his tongue again and wiggled with his head, trying to imitate what previously had been going on in his mouth, "...izziz kinna vvunny!" He smiled brightly. Kiryu didn't smile back. One of his eyebrows was raised, still suspiciously trying to determine whether Yusei was just really that drunk, or just kidding him.  
>"You think this is funny."<br>"Iziz!"  
>"Then you'll find this hilarious!"<p>

Kiryu suddenly lunged forward, gripped Yusei by his collar and practically threw him (Jack protested half-heartedly) on the sofa. He then proceeded to pretty much jump on top of him (the sofa protested passionately) and grabbed Yusei's hands, binding together and fixing them above his head; he shoved one of his knees practically in Yusei crotch, and position the other leg in such a way that Yusei could barely move his legs. In fact, Yusei could barely move at all.  
>And just as Yusei opened his mouth to ask what the hell this was about, Kiryu smothered the protests by once again by firmly planting his lips on his victim's. Yusei, despite his current state, noticed something was different, but he couldn't say anything as Kiryu's tongue suddenly crashed down on his. It circled around it, probing, almost agressive, almost provocative. Yusei tried to say something, but that is really hard to do when your tongue is being assaulted.<br>"You really do like dominance, don't you?" Jack chuckled somewhere in the distance; Kiryu growled only in response.

Yusei was getting a little bit uneasy. Not because he was being held down in a homoerotic-subtext-encouraging way, or because one of his best friends was kissing him with an agression that might have bordered on disturbing. No, Yusei just needed air. Literally. He tried to signal Kiryu about this increasingly urgent problem, but since he couldn't talk and his ability to flail around was drastically impaired, he needed to come up with somthing, quick. He tried to alarm his friends with an anxious moan, but that only caused Kiryu to bite his lip and that really wasn't the reaction that Yusei was aiming for.  
>At last, possibly because of the rather alarming oxygen shortage, his instinct to survive just took over. With something of a growl, he bit the invading tongue; earning a surprised growl in return from Kiryu. This moment of distraction was all Yusei needed, and he with his own tongue he quickly pushed the intruder out and took a really, really deep breath.<p>

When he had filled his lungs and his breathing pattern started to normalize, he looked into the direction of his suffocator-annex-friend. Kiryu was still pinning him down, panting heavily, his cheeks flushed, and a bit of blood on his lip.  
>Blood on his lip?<br>Yusei looked at it curiously, wondering what could have happened, only to realize that there was a certain tast of iron -perhaps also irony, but leave that to the author- in his mouth. Weird. But tasty. Especially when in mingles with the intensely sweet aftertaste of the booze they'd been drinking.  
>Now that the booze had been mentioned...<br>"Zjaack, tossh me anudder boddel, vwillya?" he slurred. Within a second, a bottle was hauled his way, and Yusei realized he had forgotten about one tiny little detail: his hands were tied.  
>Jack burst out in laughter as the bottle hit Yusei's head, and for the second time he became instantly soaked with sweet, pink alcohol. Not that Yusei cared, really; a good deal of it ended up in his mouth and that was all he needed. Ah, how great was that warm, fuzzy feeling that spreak through his body? That wonderful sensation that seemed to set him on fire, in a good way?<p>

Yusei wished that he was a cat, so that he could purr. This feeling was perfect for purring if you were a cat, after all. Yusei wondered what it would be like if he could purr. He tried to purr, but instead, he produced some sort of deep groan. He was proud of his efforts anyway. He purred/groaned again, hearing Jack laugh in the distance. "You seem to be having a good time, Yusei" he snickered.  
>"Imma cat" Yusei explained to him, but Jack only laughed harder, coming closer. He ruffled through his hair, as if he were petting him. "Good boy, Yusei."<br>Yusei decided to reward him with another purr/groan/weird crossover sound.  
>Jack and Kiryu (right, Kiryu was still existing too) laughed again and let out a collective, giggly 'Awwww'.<p>

"Don't you just want to eat him up?" Jack said in a high-pitched girly voice, petting Yusei some more.  
>"I just might" Kiryu replied. Yusei wondered if that made Kiryu a cannibal or just someone with an appetite for cats, but his undoubtedly fascinating thoughts were rudely interrupted when Kiryu crashed his lips down for the third time.<br>Not feeling particularly inclined to nearly suffocate again, Yusei resisted this time, trying to drive out Kiryu's tongue with his own. They battled for a while, and as the tastes of saliva, sweet alcohol and blood began to mix, Yusei realized that he was actually starting to like this. Not just the funny game-aspect of tongue-fighting (he vaguely remembered that there was also another name for this, but he didn't know anymore what it was) but the funny feeling it gave him- the same feeling of hotness under you skin, only now it was much stronger and it spread throughout his entire body.

At one point Yusei even managed to drive Kiryu's tongue back into his own mouth- moving the battlefield to the enemy's field, in a way. His victory didn't last long and soon the old positions were retaken- he blamed Jack, who had suddenly started licking and sucking the skin around his neck and earlobe, which distracted him. It was a very, very strange feeling, but also very, very pleasant.  
>He really had great friends.<p>

***X*X*X*X*X***

Crow decided to walk the last few meters towards the house, anxious not to make a sound. He was fully aware that he was no match for the combined forces of Jack and Kiryu; the incident earlier this evening had made that painfully clear. The element of surprise was his only chance at getting Yusei out of there.  
>Silently, he parked Black Bird outside. He left the D-Wheel on a special stand-by mode; he would need it in order to make a quick escape with Yusei.<br>He sneaked towards the garage, trying to see through one of the windows what was going on.

The sight nearly made him run back to his D-Wheel to get the hell out, and to look for a suitable place to throw up.

A shirtless Yusei that glistened with what Crow presumed to be sweat was pinned down on the sofa; completely helpless against his two sexual assaulters. Kiryu was all over him, restraining Yusei's legs with his own. Yusei's hands were bound above his head by respectively one hand from Kiryu and from Jack. They both stroked Yusei with their other hand; Kiryu was tracing his toned chest, while Jackenthusiastically ruffled his hair. They were both still shirtless.  
>And, as Crow had feared, they were good on their way to practically eat Yusei whole. Jack was busy necking him, and Kiryu-<br>Crow averted his eyes in disgust. The mental image of Kiryu so shamelessly snogging Yusei was not only burning by itself, it also reminded him of how Jack had kissed him, forcing his tongue in and hungrily-

Ok, this had to stop. He had had enough time during his race homewards to come up with all kinds of responds to different situations, and luckily (in a twisted way of 'luckily' anyway) he had a scenario for this.

Softly, he slipped out of site and quietly approached the door. He laid his hand on the doorknob, carefully checking whether it was locked- which it thankfully wasn't.  
>He opened it slightly, peeking through the small space it gave him. He still had trouble believing what was happening there, but it was. He took a deep breath and cursed the garage for having a staircase right at the entrance. If he ran down the stairs, they'd have heard him before he had reached Yusei and all would be in vain. There was no other choice for him than to jump over the railing.<br>When he had been making up this plan, it sure as hell sounded easier than that it looked now.  
>But Yusei needed him. He needed him to be in time. He needed him to reach his friend in time, to get them both as fast as possible towards the emergency exit, outside the emergency exit, on his D-Wheel, and then as far away as possible.<p>

He took another breath, fastened his grip on the doorknob, prayed to the Crimson Dragon to somehow fix all of this for them, and dashed through the door.

**X*X*X*X*X**

Meanwhile, not that far away, Aki, Carly and Stephanie were on the edge of their seats as the tension in the movie rose. Carly and Stephany were hiding behind their pillows, meeping about how they couldn't bear to watch how it would all end. Aki showed more self-restraint; her eyes fixed on the screen, she tried to contain her excitement, but her eyes were shimmering with anticipation. This movie had been a great idea. She couldn't wait to see what would happen next- she didn't really care that it was turning out quite different than what she had been expecting.

* * *

><p><strong>CLIFFHANGER: A storytelling device in which the author pauses the story at a suspenseful moment, leaving the audience to wonder if everything will work out, and how it will work out.<strong>

**AND THE PRIZE FOR MOST OBLIVIOUS UKE EVER GOES TO DRUNK!YUSEI FUDO. SWEET CTULHU'S LEATHER PANTS WHAT HAVE I DONE. Fudo senior is doing a barrel roll in his grave as we speak, trying to erase the existence of his offspring from his mind.**

**Also apologies for the pathetic attempt at imitating a drunken slur. I have never been drunk before, only slightly tipsy once, so I honestly don't know how it feels to be drunk.  
>Thankfully for writing purposes, I have friends who do get wasted on parties. Sadly they are all Dutch, and Dutch people slurring is a completely different language that is unlike any other existing human language.<br>**

**Don't drink, dear readers. Your brain is of much more use to you when it is still alive when you turn 30.  
>Drugs are also bad. You really don't want to get high on a party. The pictures of you staring blissfully at the ceiling with a trail of saliva dripping down from the corner of your mouth are, however, a source of neverending entertainment and schadenfreude for me. <strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, this was my first kissing scene ever written, and it was HARD. Stop giggling and get your mind out of the gutter. It was difficult, and I don't really think I have much talent for this sort of thing. But training is everything!<br>I have always imagined Kiryu as being a bit of a sexual predator with a knack for rough play. So I thought it'd be funny if it would be Yusei who would bite him. Ah, you must excuse me.  
>I just wonder how this will go as thing get spicier...<br>Have a lovely day.**

**There will be no contest this time seeing as how I've already planned the pairings coming up in the next chapter. Maybe next time!**


	3. A Problematic Plan B

Crow tried not to let the scenery in front of him cause any distraction. Yes, Yusei was lying there pinned down on the couch and yes, Jack and Kiryu were all over his young friend and practically eating him alive, but he had to remain focused. He only had one chance.  
>He needed to succesfully dash through this door, jump over the railing of the stairs, somehow pull Yusei away from his sexual assaulters, run with him to the emergency exit, get out of the house, get on his D-Wheel and then drive off. If any of those steps went wrong, or went too slow, he would lose the element of surprise and Jack and Kiryu would catch him in no time.<p>

And Crow, really, really did not want to think about what would happen then. He needed to focus. He pushed the door a little bit further open, careful not to make it creak. He took one last, determined breath.

The he dashed through the door. Not losing any of his momentum, he grabbed the railing with one hand and swung his body over it. Right as he landed on the floor, Jack noticed him and gave a cry to alert Kiryu- but Crow was already there. With a rough jerk he pretty much threw Kiryu off Yusei, who barely seemed to understand what was going on. Crow knew that every second counted, and grabbed Yusei with equally less delicacy -his priority lay with escaping, not with making it comfortable- and dragged Yusei with him towards the emergency exit.

He heard an angry shout behind him and the clattering of some bottles; presumably Kiryu was trying to get up from the floor. Crow did not care about Kiryu. He cared about the exit, which was only meters away now. He stretched his right hand out, his left still firmly holding on to Yusei's upper right arm.  
>He was probably in shock or something, Crow thought, because his friend in distress let himself be dragged along, not resisting, but absolutely not helping either- much like a oversized stuffed teddy bear. Crow almost reached the handle of the door when suddenly, something held him back. He looked back alarmed, only to have his alarm grow as he saw what held him back.<p>

"And where do you think you're going?" Jack asked mockingly as he tightened his grip on Yusei's other arm. This was not part of the plan. This was NOT part of the plan. Shit, Kiryu had recovered, too. He was coming his way.  
>Crow tried to pull Yusei with him, towards the glorious exit, out of Jack's grasp, but Jack didn't let go. Yusei yelped as Jack pulled back harder. Kiryu was already closer.<br>Crap. He had to improvise. He couldn't let go of Yusei now- this was a fucking rescue mission, and he was not going to leave without the rescued party.  
>If he could leave.<br>He had to leave.

Crow decided that now was not the time for half-hearted measures. He wheeled around, pulling Yusei along in some sort of pirouette. Jack did not let go in time, and he was pulled along in the weird dance move, staggering as he tried to keep his grip on Yusei tight. Now was his chance. While Jack took several involuntary steps sideways to keep his balance, Crow suddenly pushed Yusei right into Jack, effectively making the two stumble backwards until Jack hit the emergency exit.

And that was when Crow realized that pushing Jack right in front of the designated escape route was not a very good idea.  
>"Well, isn't this a déjà vu" Kiryu snickered behind him, and Crow realized that ignoring a Kiryu approaching you from behind was also not a good idea.<br>He really sucked at rescue missions, he thought angrily as Kiryu wrapped his arms around him once again, rendering him helpless.  
>"Yusei, get out of here!" he screamed, determined to at least give him the chance to escape.<br>Yusei didn't quite react- maybe he had hit his head or something. All he did was looking around a dazed expression on his face.  
>This wasn't good. Jack was getting up, looking quite angry, and Kiryu-<br>Oh God, Kiryu was_ licking his neck_. Crow flinched, throwing back his head on instinct-

A sharp pain filled the back of his head, and Kiryu let go of him with a furious hiss. Crow didn't waste any time as he suddenly gained freedom; he grabbed Yusei's arm once again and tugged him away from Jack, and sadly, also away from their way out. He gave himself a split second to look around, and what he saw didn't make him very happy.  
>Jack was on his feet again, leaning against and effectively blocking the exit. Kiryu had stumbled backwards, but he had quickly recovered; with one hand still clutching his head, he leaned on the sofa to keep himself from falling over.<p>

Also, he blocked the way to the staircase that lead to the other door outside.

They were trapped.

He could hear Jack laughing from behind him.  
>"Where do you think you're going?" he repeated from before. He groaned. "You little fucker, you'll pay for this" he added angrily, and Crow really wish he could just be somewhere else. Just somewhere else. Somewhere where he was safe from Kiryu and Jack. Why wasn't there a fridge for him to hide in? He'd even be content with a closet.<p>

A closet.

_Hello, plan B._

Why hadn't he thought of that before? They may not have had a closet in the garage, but they had something even better. He took a quick look at Jack behind him, and one at Kiryu in the front. Both had pretty much recovered, but they didn't make a move yet. The stared at him, smiled at him, waiting, like predators knowing that their prey cannot escape.

Well, they were wrong about that.

With a bit of an unnecessary scream, Crow suddenly ran to the left, dragging Yusei with him towards the other staircase that led to the bedrooms. As he rushed upstairs, he could hear Jack and Kiryu shout, as they realized where he was going. They were too late. He ran to the second-nearest room, threw it open, pushed Yusei inside and directly closed the door behind him as he followed.

Then he locked the door.

_'Dear Crimson Dragon, thank you for the garage having a bathroom' _Crow silently prayed in relief as the besiegers pounded on the door in anger.  
>"GODDAMNIT CROW, LET US IN!" Jack roared as he presumably rammed his shoulder against the door. The door won.<br>"Well FUCK YOU, Jack!" Crow shouted back, a grin appearing on his face that had been gone for too long.

A soft, really weird groan that almost sounded like cat's purr brought him back to earth. Yusei was still lying on the ground, in the exact same position he had ended up in when Crow had thrown him in.  
>Crow ignored the threats and pleas from outside and hurried over to Yusei, getting him up and propping him against the wall, much like a stuffed animal during a six-year-old's tea party. A teddybear that groaned like a the failing engine of a scooter or a cat with severe respiration issues.<br>"Yusei, are you ok?"  
>"Imma cat."<br>Wonderful. Yusei had sustained brain damage. Crow felt the urge to bang his head against the wall rise.

"Right. A cat. Good for you, Yusei." How did you check if someone had brain damage, again? Crow had read a leaflet about it once. Something about asking certain questions. Right. Questions.  
>"Yusei, do you know who I am?"<br>"Kwoh."  
>"Yes, Crow. Your pal. Now, how many fingers am I holding up?"<br>"Fwoh."  
>"Well, if I add two more fingers you could be right. Can you follow my finger for a couple of seconds?" Crow waved his index finger in front of Yusei's face, but his friend just smiled at him dazedly.<br>This wasn't good.  
>"Are you really ok, Yusei?"<br>"I am fiiiiiiiine!" Yusei told him.  
>"You don't feel any pain?"<br>"Noooooo."  
>"Could you tell me your full name?"<br>"You... Say... Food... Oh."

Somewhere on the other side of the fourth wall, a teenage girl facepalmed because she really had just made the lamest and most overused joke ever. "That one only stopped being funny ten minutes after 5D's was announced" she told her cat as she continued typing it down, with no regrets whatsoever. The cat, sadly not named Pharaoh, urged her to return to the goddamn story.

"Could you tell me your date of birth?"  
>"I amma owwphan, Kwoh."<br>"Right, sorry, had to check. Uhm..." Crow searched his mind for a good, final question that would make clear if he needed to call an ambulance or not. What question was intricate and complicated, but shouldn't be hard for Yusei? First, he thought about asking about engines and D-Wheels, but he shot that idea down quickly. Crow only knew the basics of engines, and Yusei was a goddamn genius. If he talked about engines, Crow could barely keep up- it would be hard to determine whether Yusei was talking just rubbish or actually saying something.

And then it hit him, much like one of the chairs from the living room hit the door to the bathroom as Jack and Kiryu moved on to a different approach. If there was one thing that he and Yusei knew a lot about, it was Duel Monsters.  
>He started with asking about a couple of well-known cards- the effects of Stardust, the limitations of Speed World, how fucking annoying it was whenever your opponent played Trap Hole or Heavy Storm- and then they moved onto to much more complicated questions.<p>

_It should be noted that the author is not good at Duel Monsters. She was once beaten by Syrus (SYRUS, OF ALL PEOPLE) in a DS game, and that was the last time she played, almost two years ago. Thus, she will leave these questions up to your imagination. Have fun with it. It's way more important than that math exam tomorrow, anyway_.

After 5 minutes of discussing these brilliant questions, Crow concluded that Yusei's brain was still functioning. It seemed that Yusei sometimes jumped to really weird conclusions, but his memory was intact and he seemed to be capable of explaining complicated card-games-on-motorcycles-business. Crow decided that further inspection was not necessary, and with a sigh of relief, he sat down next to Yusei and let his head rest against the wall.  
>"Well, looks like we're going to have to stay here for a while."<br>"WE WILL NOT GIVE UP UNTIL YOU GET OUT!" Jack promptly answered from outside.

Kiryu, meanwhile, was just enjoying himself with switching the lights in the bathroom off and on. Crow had been been nagging about the switch being outside the room for weeks, and now he wished he had nagged even harder.  
>"Kiryu, will you just fuck off, now?"<br>*click click click*  
>"Kiryu, I'm getting real tired of this."<br>*click click click*  
>"Kiryu, you are a fucking grown-up man, and-"<br>*clickclickclickclickclickcli ckclick*

It was going to be a long, long night.

**X*X*X*X*X*X  
><strong>

About ten minutes later, Crow decided that this was going to be an _excruciatingly_ long night. Kiryu STILL hadn't given up on his childish pestering, Jack had started scratching the door and making zombie noises, and Yusei smelled.

Seriously, he really, really _smelled_.  
>He smelled, no, he reeked of the cursed alcohol; Crow could practically taste the nauseating sweetness that radiated from his half-naked body. It was really insufferable, and after ten torture-filled minutes, he could no longer take it.<p>

"Yusei, please take a shower."  
>"YOU PERVERT!" the male Greek chorus at the other side of the door shouted.<br>Yusei didn't react. Crow really didn't want to get any closer to him, but this was an urgent matter. He could not spend another hour in the claustrophobic room if that smell continued to slowly suffocate him. He awkwardly shook one of Yusei's shoulders. His disgust grew. Not only did he smell, he was also very, very sticky.  
>Crow really tried not to think about how he ended up like this.<p>

"Yusei, take a shower" he said, but Yusei shook his head.  
>"I dun wanna" he protested. "I'm thiwsty."<br>"If you take the shower, you can drink water" Crow stood up and shoved Yusei unto his feet. He pointed at the shower.  
>"Water, Yusei, nice, hot water."<br>"Crow, we substantially underestimated your cunning" Kiryu called from outside. Then, even louder: "SHOTGUN ON THE KEYHOLE! Jack if you want a good look at this, find a drill somewhere. I won't allow Crow to be the only one who can look at Yusei taking a shower."

_'I am not hearing this' _Crow mumbled to himself as he pushed Yusei towards the shower. They needed to hurry. Yusei needed to be done with the shower by the time those two would find a drill and make a peeping hole in the door. Crow was hundred percent sure that they were capable of that. If Yusei didn't want to, he was forced to take desperate measures.

He turned on the shower, waiting until the water was at the right temperature. Then he turned towards Yusei. He wished he could do ten speed deliveries on legs rather than this. It was getting hot in here because of the water. Oh well. He could have a little heat more than that sweetness wafting off Yusei.

"Yusei, if you are not under this shower in 10 seconds, I will force you."  
>"Give him five minutes, Crow!" Kiryu urged him, switching the light on and off again to catch his attention. "Don't go naked under the shower until we have a clear sight of it!"<br>"SHUT UP, KIRYU!" Crow screamed, losing his patience. "we're not even going to be naked, how stupid do you think I am?"  
>"Really? You're gonna take a shower with your pants on?" Kiryu sounded genuinely surprised. "Did you never learn what happens if you walk around with wet pants and underwear?"<p>

And Crow's world continued to fall apart piece by piece. Yes, he remembered now. Martha had sternly told them about this. If you didn't get out of your wet undergarments fast enough... She had told them terrible stories. Apparently, you didn't just risk getting a cold, you could also get the mother of all rashes down there. _  
><em>"Well, Crow?" Kiryu called mockingly. "Still planning on dancing in the rain while wearing clothes?"

_Why is all of this happening to me?_

"Yusei, take off your pants." Crow felt the blood rush to his cheeks as he uttered the unutterable. The hooting and whistling that came through the door made things even worse.  
>"VWhy?" Yusei apparently understood the instruction, but he didn't make any attempt to follow it.<br>"Because you are going to take this shower, and you are going to take it without risking unimaginable agony. I'm counting. Ten. Nine."

"Jack, hurry up! They're going to shower WITHOUT PAAAAANTS!"

"Eight, seven."

Yusei was still trying to work out what he was supposed to do. His confusion would've been hilarious in any other situation.

"Six, five."

"JACK, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU MAN!"

"Four, three."

"Bwut... I dun wanna... Yusei said protestingly, as he moved a bit further away from Crow.

"Two, one..." Crow was pleading Yusei with his eyes to take off his fucking pants already.

"Zero. I'm really, really sorry, Yusei."

Crow dashed forward. He grabbed Yusei's arm and twisted it behind his back; and as he immobilized his stunned friend, he slowly pushed him downwards, until he lay face-down on the floor. He placed one knee right between the shoulderblades to keep the young man down.  
>And then he started to strip off his pants.<br>_Think of a happy place, Crow. Think of a happy place. Do not think about the fact that you are forcibly taking off your best friend's pants. Think about a happy place. God knows how much you can save on trauma counseling if you go to your happy place now._

**X*X*X*X*X**

The sound that female humans can produce have left mankind's mind boggled for centuries. Right now, the high-pitched screams that Aki, Carly and Stephanie produced did not really boggle the mind of mankind. It did, however, confuse the dog that wasjust passing by the house very, very much.

Let's just say the movie had taken another turn that none of them had seen coming.

**X*X*X*X*X*X  
><strong>

Yusei was very, very confused right now. It seemed like only a few moments ago that he had been enjoying himself with Jack and Kiryu in the living room, having tongue-fights and whatnot.  
>Then Crow had suddenly dashed in, and for reasons Yusei did not understand, he just started fighting with Jack and Kiryu and pushing them and grabbing Yusei and pushing Yusei too.<br>And then the two of them had ended up in a bathroom with malfunctioning lights and Jack playing knock-knock.  
>And then Crow started asking really weird questions.<br>And then he told Yusei to take a shower; but Yusei didn't feel particularly dirty. But Crow got real sore about it and Kiryu joined the discussion, and then Crow got angrier.  
>And then all of sudden Yusei needed to take off his pants or something.<p>

Yusei didn't want to take off his pants. He also didn't want to shower. But Crow really, really wanted him to do both and started counting down, and Yusei didn't feel very good about this. Crow was slightly scaring him right now.

"I'm really, really sorry, Yusei."

Yusei wanted to answer him, tell him that of course, he forgave Crow for being so rude. There was no need to feel guilty for-

And then Crow attacked him and started to _strip off his pants.  
><em>

_"_Kwoh!" Yusei protested, squirming under the knee that held him down. "Stwoppit!"

Crow didn't listen. With a rather unhappy expression on his face he threw Yusei's pants in the corner.

"DON'T YOU DARE REMOVING HIS BOXERS UNTIL JACK GETS HERE! JAAACK!" Kiryu shouted meanwhile, banging on the door.  
>Remove his boxers? Yusei didn't want his boxers to be removed. He also didn't want to shower. He wanted his pants back.<br>He looked at Crow again.

"Kwoh?" Kwoh did not answer. Instead, he had closed his eyes and was rubbing his temples, muttering something along the lines of 'kill me please'.

"I CAN'T FIND A DRILL ANYWHERE!"  
>"LOOK HARDER!"<br>"Seriously, it's nowhere to be found" Jack had stopped screaming as he had reached Kiryu.  
>"But Jack" Kiryu said, with a bit of a nagging voice, "they're going to <em>shower. <em>Can't you remember anything? Did Yusei never mention where he left it? Never told you-"  
>"Kiryu, seriously, the only times Yusei tells us where something is lying, it's usually the remote or the last hand towel or something."<p>

Suddenly, Yusei could hear Crow exhale sharply. Then he started laughing.  
>"Thanks, Jack!" he said victoriously. "Just the idea I needed!"<p>

There came no reply, only the sound of two people simultaneously hitting their face with their hands.

Yusei had no idea what was going on. Crow, meanwhile, had walked over to the rack with hand towels. He took a few, held them under the hot shower that had been spreading a warm, cosy steam through the room, and walked back to Yusei. He held them up in front of him.

"Here, Yusei, go clean yourself with this."  
>"I don' wanna." Yusei felt there was no need at all to clean himself, after all, Jack and Kiryu had been licking him clean already. Besides, Crow had been a real meanie the past half hour, and Yusei wasn't particularly inclined to do everything he said.<p>

Crow closed his eyes and inhaled deeply for a moment. He often did that when he needed to calm down.  
>"Yusei. Clean. Yourself. With. Towel."<br>"I don' wanna."  
>"FOR GOD'S SAKE YUSEI CAN'T YOU JUST TAKE THE FUCKING TOWEL AND FUCKING CLEAN YOURSELF OR DO I HAVE TO DO IT FUCKING FOR YOU?"<br>"DON'T DO THE FUCKING FOR HIM, CROW, THAT IS OUR JOB!" was the answer from behind the door.

Crow looked as if he was about to swallow a bottle of bleach.

"Just fucking do it, Yusei?" his voice went from intimidating to pleading.  
>Yusei shook his head. This had become a matter of principles now. <em>He may take away my pants, but he will never take MY FREEDOM!<em>

"Ten. Nine. Eight."  
>Ok, now Yusei was gettng a little concerned.<p>

"Seven, six."  
>He could hear Kiryu and Jack argue outside over who would get to peep through the keyhole or something. And something about an invalid shotgun.<p>

"Five. Four. Three."  
>Yusei moved as far away from Crow as possible. The bathroom, however, was very small.<p>

"Two. One. Zero. This time, Yusei, you fucking asked for it."

Crow lunged at him, a wet hand towel in each hand. Yusei didn't really know what exactly happened and in which sequence it happened, but he was suddenly lying on the ground again. His hands were pinned down above him, and his legs were held trapped under another pair of legs.  
>"Dammit, Crow, that's MY move!" Kiryu shouted, while Jack kept bitching that it was his turn to look.<p>

Crow himself was quite busy keeping Yusei down while trying to wipe a wet hand towel over his chest. He looked very unhappy, perhaps even unhappier than when he had been stripping off Yusei's pants.

Yusei really didn't know what to think of this. If he had to be honest, he actually liked this a bit. The wet hand towel wasn't quite the same as tongues, but the rubbing was a nice sensation- a bit rougher, but Yusei didn't mind that.

The whole pinning-him-down-thingy was less pleasant, especially since Crow was a good deal rougher than Kiryu had been. His grip on Yusei's wrists was tighter, and he kept pushing them down into the cold hard floor, whereas Kiryu had just held them. It was the same with his legs; where Kiryu had been what Yusei called 'weirdly playful or whatever', Crow actively suppressed him.

"That kinky bastard" said Jack from outside, as Kiryu audibly complained about the lack of sight on the matter.

Kinky? Yusei didn't really understand what was so kinky about Crow aggressively pinning him down on the floor and rubbing roughly over his chest. Although, he had to be fair: Crow had now moved on to his shoulders- it had turned into a nice massage, really.

Crow still seemed unhappy, though. It was really weird. When Kiryu had pinned dim down like this, he had been very happy. What could possible make the difference?And then he knew.

Tongue-fighting.

Crow would definitely cheer up with some tongue-fighting. Yusei remembered with a smile how happy he had felt when he and Kiryu did it. Sure, you had to adjust to it for a bit in the beginning, but Crow was known to be able to adapt to circumstances pretty quickly.

If only Yusei could reach Crow. He tried moving his head closer to his friend's, but Crow only backed away. Yusei wondered whether had a bad breath or something. Then, Yusei tried to get closer by arching his back and moving his body upwards, but Crow simply pushed him down again with the hand towel. Wriggling his legs proved to be even less succesful. And trying to free his hands from Crow's iron grip was pretty much useless.

Crow got upset.

"Yusei, can you just stop being so fucking annoying for a second? This'll be over faster if you don't resist."  
>"Crow, everytime you open your mouth you sound more and more like a stereotypical predatory homosexual rapist" Kiryu snickered. "And you're not even trying!"<p>

"Shut UP, Kiryu!" Yusei suddenly saw his chance. It really seemed as if his mind had become a bit clearer the moment h startd thinking about the tongue-fighting.

Huh. A clearer mind. Bruno would be proud of him.

_**SUDDEN AUTHOR NOTE OUT OF NOWHERE:** The author apologizes for making you upset about Bruno being dead and Toolshipping having died with him. She also apologizes for making it even worse by spelling it out right in front of you. However, she has been listening to the song 'Clear Mind' a bit too much lately, and a joke HAD to be made. As a consolation she offers something you can read at the end of this chapter._

Now that his foggy brains had been defogged a little, Yusei suddenly saw a chance -as I just stated before- when Crow paused his cleaning activities to shout at Kiryu. He was distracted. Excellent.

**X*X - PAGEBREAKER TO MAKE IT MORE OBVIOUS THERE IS A CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE- - X*X**

"DON'T DO THE FUCKING FOR HIM, CROW, THAT IS OUR JOB!"  
>Minutes after the shout had rang through the bathroom, it was still echoeing in Crow's head. Not only the words. The images, too.<p>

If only he had some Brain Bleach somewhere.

He had expected things would be easier now that he had an alternative for stripping Yusei naked and forcing him under the shower.

They weren't.

Somehow, Yusei was also opposed to the idea of cleaning himelf with a hand towel. Crow had never experienced such an annoying Yusei before. It was something he couldn't really comprehend. And because he couldn't comprehend it, it was even harder for him to cope with.

This, along with the fact that Yusei was still smelling disgustingly sweet, and the two guys outside getting on his nerves, set something free in Crow.  
>Something that made him lose the little bit of patience he had.<br>Something that made him pin down his friend and roughly rubbing a wet hand towel all over him to _make the fucking smell go away_._  
><em>

_'I have no other options' _he told himself as Jack and Kiryu inquired about his sexual preferences. _It's the only way things will go back to normal again.  
><em>

Then, right after Kiryu called him 'a kinky bastard' Yusei started smiling really weirdly, which kind of creeped Crow out (aside from the fact that Yusei was _smiling, _which usually implied that someone's ass was about to be whooped). Then, he started to struggle. It wasn't much trouble to keep him in place, but it made the whole cleaning business a lot harder.

"Yusei, can you just stop being so fucking annoying for a second? This'll be over faster if you don't resist."  
>And then Kiryu had to react again, being the dirty-minded bastard that he was.<br>So Crow, being REALLY pissed off at this point, was busy telling him to shut up, when suddenly Yusei started to thrash about unexpectedly violent. Crow, being caught off guard, lost his position directly.

It must have taken less than five seconds to turn Crow's world upside down. Literally.

With a souplesse that was in stark contrast with his previous drunken movement, Yusei took hold of the hand that had been holding his wrists with his left, and grabbed Crow's collar with his right hand. Quickly he pulled up one of his legs and dug his knee in Crow's stomach- causing the victim to gasp en relax involuntarily. Yusei wasted no time taking advantage of this and quickly rolled over, dragging Crow with so they changed positions.  
>Suddenly, Crow was the one being held down while Yusei hovered over him.<p>

THIS WAS BAD.

Images of Jack hovering over him and his mouth coming closer and closer sent an electric jolt through his brain, sounding the alarm. Crow reacted instinctively, trying to push Yusei off him, kicking around with his legs. He managed to hit something and Yusei hissed, his grip weakening, giving Crow the chance to jerk away in the hopes of shaking off Yusei's firm grasp on his collar and get up on his feet again.

It didn't work. Yusei recovered incredibly fast for a drunkard, and although Crow had managed to get up, it only resulted in Yusei pulling him downwards again and pushing him into a wall.

Damn, that hurt. Crow closed his eyes for a moment, waiting for the funny floating stars to disappear from his sight. Wonderful. Now he probably had sustained brain damage too.

"Ok, ok! Dude! Take it easy! I'm sorry, ok?" Crow carefully opened his eyes, waiting until the lights and shapes and colours had gone to their original places.

"Shit, Yusei!" Crow flinched when he recognized that huge skin-coloured shape filling up most of his vision. He wanted to move backwards, but he was already being pressed into a wall, and could not move away from his friend's face that was most definitely FAR CLOSER THAN FRIENDS WERE SUPPOSED BE AND MOST DEFINITELY INSIDE HIS PERSONAL BUBBLE.

It was alarmingly similar to the situation with Jack and Kiryu earlier. Especially since Yusei, for God knows what reason, had taken one wrist in each hand and pinned them against the wall too, as if he were trying to keep Crow from moving his arms.

Also, Crow was fairly sure that one of the knees Yusei was resting on had absolutely no justification for being that close to his crotch.

_What the fuck is going on here._

"Goddamnmit, Yusei, what the fu-mmmph!" Crow's ungentlemanly words were smothered in a rather passionate kiss, as Yusei suddenly started to french the living daylights out of him.

_WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE._

* * *

><p><strong>Thus begins the onesided YuseiCrow! It's one pairing I find hard to imagine, and even harder to write. Don't know why, it's just not one of those I-see-them-together-one-second-and-now-I-will-SHIP -IT-UNTIL-MY-DYING-DAY-relationships. ****It's the same with Jack/Kiryu. **

**But, when I said this fic would have all kinds of Satisfaction pairings, I meant ALL. KINDS. OF. PAIRINGS. Even if it means drowning whatever little bit of personality they have left in alcohol. ****I'm such a good writer.**

**ALSO I'M SORRY FOR THE LITTLE AMOUNT OF SEXY TIMES IN THIS FIC. I had a hard time figuring out how exactly Crow and Yusei could end up together in the bathroom without Jack and Kiryu getting a hold of them first.  
><strong>**Then there was the whole shower thingy, which originally was supposed to lead to hot steamy shower sex, but I wasn't ready for that step yet. So I got stuck, wondering how to still get some steamy scenes out of this without making it too much, too tame or implausible.**

**HAH. IMPLAUSIBLE. HOW DOUBLE CAN A STANDARD GET. **

**So yeah. Have fun picturing Crow involuntarily dominating and straddling Yusei. And Yusei frenching the daylights out of Crow. I love that phrase.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>ANYWAY. ABOUT THE BRUNO IS DEAD THINGY<strong>

**Again, sorry. Although I wasn't THAT attached to Bruno, I did see the potential of Toolshipping. ****I didn't incorporate any Toolshipping in this fic, and wasn't intending to. I mean, It'd be weird to rename it _'The Alcoholic Adventures Of Team Satisfaction Plus Bruno._'**

**SO. You, being an expert reader, probably know where I'm going: Toolshipping. Recently, afer rewatching the last few seasons, I've begun to change my mind, and now I'm wondering whether I should get him into this somehow, in a sexy guest appearance or as a late but equally important cast member.**

**WHAT DO YOU THINK? I'm really curious what you people want. I can't guarantee that all of your wishes will come true, but I can at least promise that I WILL read all of your suggestions and seriously consider them. **


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